Ludwig
By Johnny Hanuse
February 7, 2012
I was walking around the woods doing my regular rounds to get some wood to fuel fire in my fine cabin. I can polish my guns and smoke my drum tobacco and have CBC Radio 1 playing in the background in warmth. My newest gun rests snugly against my leg in my boot. A silenced 9mm Beretta just incase I get into too close of an encounter with a beast of the wild. I take break to sit on a stump to roll up a drum ciggy and that’s when I heard the scream. I quickly tightened my suspenders, grabbed my axe and whispered to my Beretta, “ maybe today is your lucky day baby girl.”
I head towards the location of where I suspect the scream came from. There it was a house settling into the woods getting covered in moss. I crouch down to avoid getting caught from the viewpoints of any windows. I creep up to the door and barely open it to take a peek to see how many enemies I have to take care of. I see no one. I close the door and reach down for my silenced Beretta, cock it, then enter the house.
I can hear grunting in one of the rooms in the back of the house. I take each step very carefully not to blow my cover with creaking floorboards. I was not as successful as I would have hoped, but it seemed as though I was still in the clear because the grunting continued. I walk through the kitchen of the house to the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. I stand at the end of the hall and listen to try and figure out what the target was. I saw a red cloak poking outside of the quarter-opened door at the end. I point my gun forward and proceed quietly down the hallway. While strafing down the hallway I see a basket with scones spilled on the floor. I was a step away from the door when my conscience stopped me dead in my tracks. I have been in the woods for a very long time. They said that I would go crazy if I spent too much time out here alone. I figured with CBC I wouldn’t get bushed and lose my mind. No, I am sure someone is in danger; I need to investigate this further. I place my left hand on the brass doorknob and my Beretta in my right. I slammed the door open the light from the window hits me dead in the eyes. The blurriness goes away and I can see clearly. It’s the Big Bad Wolf I knew it.
“Where’s little red riding hood and the elderly woman?”
“Oh c’mon Ludwig you know I didn’t do any such things. You know I’m not into that stuff anymore.”
“You better start telling a whole lot more truth or I’m gonna start blastin’”
Big Bad Wolf sits silently with no response. I squint my eyes and peer as deep into his as I possibly can. Some movement and muffled screaming come from the Big Bad Wolf’s stomach.
“I knew it.”
I squeezed the trigger and put a bullet right between his eyes. His head whiplashed back and the chair rocked back and forth with his feet stretched out dragging on the floor. Once again the movement and muffled cries for help. I bring down and slice him open as if I was using a scalpel. I reach in and pull the elderly woman and little red riding hood out of the stomach.
“Oh my goodness, thank heavens you came and saved is Ludwig, I thought I was going to be dead for sure.” Said the elderly lady.
Little Red Riding hood was leaning forward puking.
“Well you guys are a little filthy, but you’re alive. Alright let’s get you guys cleaned up and get some food in ya.”
They both begin walking down the hallway to the water closet. As they walk down I hold myself back and wait until they can’t see me. I bring my Beretta to my face. So close that I can smell the fresh gun powder and kiss it.
“You did a very good job today.”
And I walk into the kitchen.
